When Boy Abunda asked Hayden Kho point blank if he and beauty doctor, Vicki Belo, were back together, the beleaguered Kho replied with a simple, “Yes.”

Speculations were being thrown around for sometime now, and despite what most people had already written off as a given when Belo started constantly appearing at Kho’s hearings, Kho only admitted this in his first-ever live interview on “The Buzz” on Oct.31, since the sex scandal broke out and the hearings began.

And although still smarting from the everything he went through since the sex videos started appearing on the Internet–including his break-up with Belo, being humiliated with a grilling at the Senate, the shame to and suffering of his family, particularly his mother, who also got dragged into the mess, the suspension of his license, and the reported attempt to take his own life out of sheer depression–Kho seems to be slowly picking up the pieces of his life.

Aside from a happy reunion with Belo, Kho is also slowly getting his life in order, beginning with taking up an MBA class, and also a new perfume business that he just recently launched. When Abunda mentioned he believed in second chances, Kho replies, “Before I doubted that, but now I do believe in second chances.”

“I feel na mas malakas akong tao ngayon,” Kho states. “Sa dami ng mga dinaanan kong bagay, paghihirap sa mga challenges din personally… meron akong nawala sa buhay ko nung time na maganda ‘yung career ko, ang lakas ng kinikita ko, nandiyan lahat… parang star ako… Nakalimutan ko ‘yung Diyos… nakalimot ako sa Diyos.”

This, he says, is “the most important lesson” he’s learned. “Pero more than that, I also think na nung time na kasi ako ‘yung tinitira ng lahat, na wala akong kakampi, wala akong masabing tama, nag-withdraw ako eh.”

Likening his situation to that of someone whose house is burning, Kho goes on to say, “‘Pag nasusunog ‘yung bahay, ang una mong kailangang gawin, kailangan lumabas ka ng bahay… tapos tingnan mo muna, ‘di ba? Tapos, siyempre malulungkot ka pero wala kang magagawa eh. Hindi ka naman pwedeng gumawa ng bagong bahay habang nasusunog ‘yung kabilang bahay eh. So hintayin mong matapos tapos tingnan mo kung ano ‘yung matitira. Ano ‘yung pinaka-matibay talaga, alin dun ‘yung totoo. Tapos saka mo babalikan.”

“Nung time na parang may sunog sa buhay ko, lumayo muna ako, hindi muna ako nagpakita. Naka-upo lang ako, siyempre nagmumukmok ako, nahirapan ako pero nag-iisip din ako nung time na ‘yun,” he adds.

“What I realized is that, no matter how big a mess you create with your life, no matter how deep or far you’ve fallen, the story doesn’t have to end that way if you don’t want it to. If you have strength of character, if you have the will, if you have–most especially–the faith, then you can change things.”

Clearly feeling like a new man, whose face seems to have considerably lightened up, Kho says he could only wish the people he hurt could learn to forgive him. But he also laments, “I do want to make amends with everyone. Gusto kong ayusin lahat sa mga taong nagkamali ako pero hind na kasi ganun kadali eh. May mga bagay na nangryari na na parang wala nang pagkakataong maayos.”

Abunda then points out that Kho has said before that he felt he was also a victim in all this. Kho explains, “Nung nagsimula ako, parang puno rin ako ng galit… nagagalit din ako sa lahat, I started pointing fingers at everyone. And I felt like a victim before kasi nilabas nila ‘yung mga videos na ‘yun para makaganti sa akin eh.”

As he goes on, his explanation somehow touches on the fact that he has an idea that this was coming, and who was behind it.

“Naalala ko pa, bago maglabas ‘yung mga taong ‘yun, nakikiusap pa ako dun sa mga nakaka-alam kung sino, ‘wag na nating idamay ‘yung ibang tao rito. Kung galit kayo sa akin, sa atin na lang dalawa. Ako na lang gantihan niyo. Pero ang bitaw nila sa akin is, may kasalanan din naman ‘yung mga babae… meron kang girlfriend. So, lahat kayo mag-suffer. Tapos may tao pa na nage-extort sa akin ng pera, nage-extort ng 4 million sa akin kundi ilalabas… Lahat ‘to, past na lang, ayoko na lang silang balikan lahat. Pero nung time na ‘yun, I really felt like ako ‘yung main target eh.”

But Kho says he has learned to take responsibility for his actions. “Sometimes it doesn’t make any sense, feeling mo ibang tao ang may kasalanan,” he says, “Pero the only way you can act on something is to take full responsibility. Akin ‘to, akuin mo, may magagawa ka.”

Touching back on the sex videos, Abunda asks him why he’s made them in the first place. Kho could only say, “Sana madaling sagutin ‘yan eh. Malalim… madami… komplikado. Hindi ganon kadali [sagutin]. But I take full responsibility.”

During the height of the scandal, Kho’s licesnse was revoked by the Board of Medicine of the Proferssional Regulation Commission (PRC), something he says has been “devastating.” He admits, though, that his camp is “exhausting all legal means possible” to get it back.

With all the drama surrounding the scandal, which at one point had been dubbed the “Hayden Cam” in what was deemed a clever jab at “hidden camera,” one incident could be remembered when Kho appeared at the Senate. During the Senate joint committee probe in May 2009, a man wearing a press ID–later identified in an abs-cbnNEWS.com report as Abner Afuang, a former mayor of Pagsanjan, Laguna–poured water from a bottle on Kho, who had just entered the session hall.

When Abunda asks Kho if it was real or staged, Kho replies,
“Kung ikaw ‘yung nasa posisyon ko nung time na ‘yun, hindi mo maiisip ‘yang mga ‘yan eh. Hindi mo mai-isip, staged ba ‘yan, sino ba ‘yang may gawa niyan… Pinagbibintangan pa na kami raw, ako raw ang nag-plano na buhusan ako [ng tubig]. Pero nung time na ‘yun, hindi ko na naisip lahat nga mga ‘yan eh. Naisip ko lang, what have I done with my life… ang gulo-gulo na.”

The stigma of this sex video scandal will surely haunt Kho for a long time, but he is being pragmatic about it. “At the end of the day, it is what it is. Life throws you lemons, you have to do something about it. Sa akin, nandiyan na eh, hindi ko na mapapalitan ‘yan eh. But I can’t put my life on hold just because other people want to put my life on hold. I take responsibility for my own life. Hindi naman nila buhay ‘to. So gagawin ko kung ano ‘yung kailangan kong gawin.”

Kho also tells Abunda he is okay, but while he says he can’t speak for his parents, he says they’ve forged a better and deeper relationship, and have been very supportive. “Sila ‘yung mga sinasabi ko kanina na ‘pag nasunog na lahat, may mga natitira. Eto ‘yung mga ‘yon, ‘yung mga kaibigan ko… ‘yung dad ko, ‘yung mom ko, ‘yung mga kapatid ko.”

With Kho and Belo back in each other’s arms, naturally people are going to react. In a previous interview, Belo’s son, Quark Henares (with former husband Atom Henares), had said, “If that’s what makes her happy, ‘yon, we’ll love and accept her. But not him.”

But Kho’s mindset now is all about him. “I’m out to live my life for myself and the person I love. I’m not out to please other people. Kasi sinubukan ko na po ‘yan dati na ginagawa ko ‘yung mga bagay para sa ibang tao. It didn’t work out. Ngayon natutunan ko na kung meron akong gagawin, ito ‘yung bagay na gusto ko lang talaga gawin para sa sarili ko.”

But at least he adds, “Sana lang, dasal ko na sana makita nila, in time, na mahal ko talaga si Vicki.”

And should one day Kho himself becomes a father and his kids find out about his muddled past, Kho initially says he has not thought about what he would say to them yet. “I take it one step at a time. That will be a very difficult situation for me...”

But he finally states, “Siguro sasabihin ko sa kanya, sa tamang panahon.. gaya ng maraming tao… I also have my own hubris, my moral weakness… a time in my life na mahina ako. And I will say sorry to them for sure.”

And when he’s asked whether he thinks he’s going to heaven or hell, Kho answers, “Sa ngayon, sa tingin ko pupunta ako sa langit. Dahil hindi man maniwala ‘yung iba, feeling ko ang laki na ng pinagbago ko. Humingi na ako ng tawad sa Diyos. Pinagdarasal ko ‘yung mga taong nakasakit din sa akin, mga naka-away ko rin. Wala akong tinatagong galit. Gusto kong makipag-ayos sa mga tao. ‘Pag nagkaron ako ng opportunity, I will really really do it. Kasi sa ngayon, wala na akong ginagawang masama eh. Kung meron man akong dapat pagbayaran, feeling ko napagbayaran ko na rin and I continue to pay for it.”

Source: Anya Santos, Manila Bulletin